a little less self-absorbed

Yesterday at work I had a feeling of impending doom. It seemed that disaster was looming throughout the day. Everything I did could go wrong. I spent five hours operating in an agony of fear. In truth it is rare to complete a theatre list without at least one moment of panic, but this was constant. Later, in clinic, I felt that I had no sense of the right thing to say. Suddenly a consultation was a minefield.

 I felt as though I was blindfolded in the middle of the freeway.

Then I saw a patient whose last baby had died in labour elsewhere.  Her first baby was born by Caesarian Section and she was hoping for a vaginal delivery. She came into labour but then stopped. She was given intravenous oxytocin without seeing an obstetrician. The baby was well until six hours later her uterus ruptured. At the emergency Caesarian Section it was stillborn.
She was surprisingly lacking in resentment though obviously devastated by the experience, tears falling as she told the story. I can't imagine how a person can live with such grief.

After that I was a little less self-absorbed.