Finally catch up in clinic like a long distance runner forever behind the leading pack. A moment of joy then the sinking feeling of dread. Something is waiting for me. My come-uppance. I search my memory for clues.
Yes, I have been guilty of hubris. I should be more respectful to my wife in the neverending wrestle of marital life. I abandon my patients whenever I take a night or weekend off, let alone a holiday, and I don't see my post-op patients frequently enough. I nag and alienate my children, but I know this already. What is worrying me?
A difficult delivery takes shape from the formless disquiet of my unconscious mind. In the middle of the night. Second stage, abnormal foetal heart rate. All criteria present for a vaginal delivery. Cervix fully dilated, membranes ruptured, head fully in the pelvis, known position and good epidural pain relief. Applied forceps then the heart rate dropped to almost nothing. A tight squeeze for the baby but no time for any alternative. Eventually delivered the baby, stunned but recovered without likelihood of hypoxic brain injury. General relief but one arm not moving, likely an Erb's Palsy. They usually recover but this might not.
Recently the hospital notified me that her records had been requested under freedom of information laws. This is often the first step in a law suit. I can understand that. I would be bitterly disappointed if my child had only one good arm.
It is not pleasant to be sued but I can empathise with the parents. I just hope I can cope with my own self-doubt so I can continue to provide a service to the community.
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