just breathe

No reason and every reason to be anxious. No reason because it is no help. Every reason because there is potential for disaster in every part of my practice. However, I resolve today to monitor my level of physical tension and loosen the knot in my stomach and the band round my head. Slow breaths. A sigh.

Think of snowdrops, so hopeful despite the chill winds of winter.



No time for lunch, running late then called to labour ward for abnormal foetal heart rate. As I make an assessment the heart rate drops dramatically. She is not yet suitable for vaginal delivery but I set up for it in the hope that it will be suitable by the time we are organized. She is given oxygen and the vacuum cup applied. It allows the head to rotate and descend but it is slow because an epidural weakens her ability to push. I remove the vacuum cup and apply forceps. The baby is born in good condition without any need for stitches to the mother. I am trembling as usual when I return. My secretary says that my antenatal patients are angry at the delay. Good, I expect that. However, they are all charming when I see them.

I am starting to worry about dinner for my daughter...perhaps a convenience meal...they taste better than my cooking.

Saw a woman who had bleeding and was told she had a miscarriage but later found there was a viable embryo. She has been overjoyed at her good fortune but now I cannot find the heartbeat at ten weeks. She is getting changed for a vaginal scan right now............bad luck. Tears. Discussion. Prefers a curette to waiting for a miscarriage to come away but theatre list already too full. We will make inquiries tomorrow. Meanwhile she will go home and tell her husband the news. Prepare her for people's well-meaning advice and attempts at consolation. It seems reasonable to remind someone who has had a miscarriage that they are lucky to have two other healthy children,but to the woman with the pregnancy loss it sounds more like, "Never mind. At least you have two left. So it's really not so bad." Although if you lose another one that might be a problem.
I have learned not to offer consolation to people who are suffering. If you can't fix it then it is better to empathize and just say: "That sucks" when it does.
Still late but clinic ended a little earlier than expected after the last client abused my secretary for the delay then left.We had organized an appointment and operation date at short notice for her benefit ......deep slow breaths .
The other diabetic in labour is making poor progress......sigh.